George Carlin quotes.

“When Thomas Edison worked late into the night on the electric light, he had to do it by gas lamp or candle. I'm sure it made the work seem that much more urgent.”

“There's no present. There's only the immediate future and the recent past.”

“The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity.”

“I think people should be allowed to do anything they want. We haven't tried that for a while. Maybe this time it'll work.”

“Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.”

“You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans.”

“Don't give your money to the church. They should be giving their money to you.”