Dave Barry quotes.

“Skiing combines outdoor fun with knocking down trees with your face.”

“The simple truth is that balding African-American men look cool when they shave their heads, whereas balding white men look like giant thumbs.”

“It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person's plate.”

“We'll try to cooperate fully with the IRS, because, as citizens, we feel a strong patriotic duty not to go to jail.”

“Eating rice cakes is like chewing on a foam coffee cup, only less filling.”

“It was Public Art, defined as art that is purchased by experts who are not spending their own personal money.”